It’s that time of year again, guys! You know, the one time a year in which our apartment air conditioning decides to stop working for a few days. During these few days, we sweat. A lot. We sweat, stick our heads in the freezer, and remind ourselves that the coldest place in our apartment is on the first floor where we can spread ourselves out onto the cool, ceramic tile. Unfortunately, that ceramic tile immediately heats up, our bodies melt into it, and we end up feeling like fried eggs.
Coincidentally, this lines up perfectly with the time of year in which I am required to use my vacation days before they expire. Instead of being rewarded for having days left over, I am forced to take a handful of half days in which I return home, sweat until I can hardly stand it, and swear at the heavens that I can’t just drink the ice cold vodka in the freezer because it will eventually just make me more uncomfortable.
Can someone please invent some menthol-infused alcohol that will (1) let me forget my worries and (2) make me feel hypothermic? Please? (Also (3) poison me efficiently..?)
Today, I went out to WalMart in the middle of the day (this is what I’m doing with my “vacation time”) to get a new air filter for our air conditioner. I have this idea that maybe it’s just the air filter! Maybe I can will it back to work! Maybe I can convince Brian to move to the Canadian tundra with me!
At WalMart, I was confronted with the sassy gay cashier who dressed as Jack Sparrow for Halloween. I knew it was him because he said, “YOU TOLD ME MY CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW WASN’T WEARING ENOUGH EYELINER.”
Yeah, that sounds like me.